To the Grubhub, Doordash, or any other food delivery employees, what is the strangest scenario you have had with an order?

To the Grubhub, Doordash, or any other food delivery employees, what is the strangest scenario you have had with an order?



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41 thoughts on “To the Grubhub, Doordash, or any other food delivery employees, what is the strangest scenario you have had with an order?

  1. The weirdest thing that happened to my friend who works Door dash was yesterday. He delivered to a guy with a first name that sounded like “Roger Roger”, so he pulled up, told the guy his name sounded like a battle droid from star wars, the dude laughed, then they spent like 10 minutes talking about Revenge of the Sith.

  2. I delivered pizza in a college town about 15 years ago.

    I took an order in the early afternoon to an apartment building I had never been to before. It had a locked entry and buzzer style door, which was unusual for the area. It was usually cheap student housing or the hallways of the apartment buildings were open air style.

    It takes a few minutes but someone finally buzzes the door and lets me in. I walk towards the apartment and see the door is open, and can hear really loud music. I get to the door and I see the TV is on with full volume and across the room is a radio also full volume. I look to the left and a man is walking out of the kitchen and I see he is in a hospital gown. His hair is kind of dirty and messed up and he seems to be completely out of it. I tell him the total and he starts looking around for the money. Yes, the gown was tied in the back but it did not hold against the constant bending over looking in various areas.

    At this point this is already one of the weirdest things to happen to me, but then it kicks it up a notch.

    The college town I was in is Lawrence, Kansas. And anyone who has lived there, especially near downtown, will probably know of the peace sign guy. This dude looked like your classic Vietnam War vet. Long hair, sunglasses, leather jacket with no shirt, jeans and big boots. He would walk around with a cigarette in his mouth throwing up the peace sign to anyone and everyone. He was mostly harmless but he could get upset and lash out verbally at people, although I did not know that at the time.

    So who should appear at the door behind me, now boxing me into the apartment between him and hospital gown man? Peace sign guy. And he is pissed!

    He starts yelling about the noise and he’s having to scream pretty loudly just to be heard. Hospital gown man starts yelling right back at him. He still hasn’t found the money. I contemplate trying the patio door and running for it.

    Finally peace sign guy leaves, hospital gown man finds the money and proceeds to pull out a massive wad of crisp $20’s… He tipped pretty well, too.

  3. I got sent to KFC to pick up a door dash order and the restaurant just wasn’t open, no lights, no cars, nothing. I had to call the poor soul who ordered it and tell him that he wasn’t getting any KFC tonight.

  4. This is one of my favorite random interactions from my time as a delivery driver for a Japanese restuarant.

    I was sent to this house with an order of a steak hibachi and a couple of sushi rolls that added up to something like $19.60. I liked to call before I got to a place, just to give people a bit of a head’s up, so by the time I got to the door it was already open. In the doorway stood a chubby kid, about 9 or 10 years old that reminded me a lot of the kid from Bad Santa, but without the curly hair.

    I tell him the total as I pass off his food. He hands me a $20 bill and with a straight face he smugly says, “Keep the change, pal.” Immediately after, he closes the door and I stood there for a second trying to process what just happened. When I got back to my car I noticed the time and realized it was way too early for that kid to be home from school. I couldn’t help but laugh at the whole situation.

    I wasn’t even mad at getting a 40 cent tip because this kid probably faked being sick so he could stay from school and was probably in there watching TV or playing video games while eating sushi and feeling like a big shot. I know I would’ve at that age.

  5. Delivered to a family and they were all happy and tipped me 10 bucks. I get back to the store only to find out they demanded 2 new pizzas a refund and my tip back! Why do you ask? there was a chunk of Canadian bacon on their pizza and they were Muslim. I didn’t make the pizza yet I got the biggest burn.

  6. The delivery instructions were to “Beat on the door like you’re the cops, and then rawr like a T-Rex to scare my kids” I did this but a small extremely confused lady answered the door. Apparently the husband had written those instructions for a prior delivery and had not realized delivery instructions copy over to the next delivery if not deleted.

  7. Many years ago I was a driver for Pizza Hut. We had someone place an order, their home address was saved to our system but in the notes it said to deliver it to a hotel literally down the road from said home address. So I go to the hotel, knock on the door and a dude answers in his boxers with a girl in bed peeking around to see who was at the door. 99% sure I walked into an affair encounter.

  8. I saw a woman give birth. I was delivering for a pizza place at the time, and we delivered to a large children’s hospital about a mile from the store. I pulled up to where we normally delivered (the valet loop), and a blue F150 comes flying in as I’m walking away. The driver jumps out of the truck screaming that his wife is giving birth, and out of the passenger side I can see plain as day a few mm of dilation staring me dead in the eye.

  9. Former delivery driver for a Chinese food restaurant! Our restaurant delivered beer (not sure if that was even legal but..) and there was one lady who would frequently order two egg rolls and two six-packs of way over-priced Corona. This relatively small lady however, had loss of mobility in her legs for whatever reason and I guess it was most efficient for her to drag herself around her apartment as she usually answered the door from her floor and sometimes retreated to the kitchen to get money for payment using this method.

    After a while, it became clear that she had a problem and felt morally wrong for me to continue delivering her vice straight to her front door, but she tipped well and my bosses were not turning down her business until.. One day she made her usual order and as I arrived, she didn’t have the funds for her order. As I was already uncomfortable completing these deliveries for her, I told her I couldn’t provide her order without payment and she dragged herself limp legs behind her down the breezeway of her apartment complex, crying and begging me for the booze.

    Still haunts me sometimes..

    ETA: This was 12 years ago!

  10. I had food that was clearly for one person, burger, fries, shake, drive up to a house that’s very obviously a family house in a very nice neighborhood. No biggie. It was already dark on a weekend night. I walk up to door and the room right next to door is the only one with lights on. It had those expensive wooden horizontal blinds, but you know how you can see a tiny bit through them even when closed? I could see it was an office with wood furniture and a computer monitor on a desk. And I could see movement of some kind.

    Ring bell. Nothing but still see movement. Wait, ring again. Nothing still movement. Bang on door. Nope. Still movement. At this point I think it’s the dog or cat in there or something. Bang again, same result. Then I think maybe someone has earbuds in like a dumb ass and can’t hear. I text I’m out here. No change. Then I hear voices and walk to edge of house. Often here people use side or garage doors and are annoyed you didn’t know they’d do that. Nope. Neighbor. Well wtf. I call. Call is answered (fumble fumble) breathless hello. I’m at the front door. I’ll be right there, sorry, sorry. Movement stops. Door opens and really early 20s dude clearly only in boxers trying to keep lower half behind door grabs food and won’t look me in the eye.

    Yeahhhh, I think I was an unwitting audience to a little self enjoyment at the family computer. Ick.

  11. Pick up this big 1:00am Maccas order of what can only be described as stoner food (ice creams with all the toppings at once, every burger with lots of extra cheese). The delivery is in an area I’m not familiar with so it doesn’t strike me that there’s no place to drop it until I get to the drop off address and there’s an empty lot, a very closed looking community centre and nothing else. I got out to see if there’s anyone partying in the lot or something, but nothing. So I call the customer, who not only doesn’t answer but their mobile service isn’t even connected.

    So I waited and (being very new to this) drove back to the Maccas. I considered offering the food (most of which I can’t eat) to some guys hanging out there but decided that sketchy cold food from some random who pulled into the parking lot probably wouldn’t appeal. So I just left all these bags in the parking lot. It was like $80 worth of food too.

  12. I used to deliver pizzas, and one time I arrived at a house at the same time as a driver from another pizza place. We looked at each other confused for a sec before we went to the door. Turns out they had some people over and one of the people there really liked one restaurant over the other, so much so that they ordered a separate pizza.

  13. Once I picked up an order from a Grazianos and they had no idea what grubhub was or that they were on the app. Had to call the horrible customer service and deal with them for like an hour before the restaurant believed it was real, then they gave me the wrong food. Only did that for a year before I realized how completely disorganized and unprofessional of a company grubhub is, at least in my area.

  14. My (f) cousin delivers pizza. One time she delivered to a hotel room and a naked woman answered. She asked my cousin to wait a minute and then her Dude (also naked) came to the door with money for the pizza but offered more money to my cousin eat out his girlfriend. She declined.

  15. I once delivered to a house and the guy ordered some russian dish called Pelmeni. He comes to the door, wearing a ski mask, decked out in full adidas, a speaker blasting hardbass strapped to his back, a toy ak-47, and vodka. I laughed so hard.

  16. Gave a drunk sorority girl her food and just as I got back to my car she runs out towards me and says

    “Wait! Do you wanna make me squirt?”

  17. Already a pizza on the porch. I was delivering Coldstone. It was a Sunday at 2pm. The guy open the door. The essence of weed hit me strong. His eyes blood shot. Classic rock on the radio. Guy on a plush robe. A girl dancing in the middle of the room. He said thank you. I picked up the pizza for him. He giggled. And I turned around laughing.

    Man was high on life and I was jealous of him in that moment

  18. I pick up two filet o’ fishes from McDonalds and drive them to the address listed as the customer’s residence. The address is for an entire mobile home park.

    I text the customer through the Postmates app to see if I can get more specific instructions. No answer. I call. No answer. I text again. No answer. I call again, and a woman picks up; she sounds about 60 or 70. She attempts to give me directions about how I’m supposed to navigate to her place, but, as I find out later, I’m on the wrong side of the street in the wrong half of the park to be following those directions.

    After several minutes of unsuccessful navigating, she’s yelling at me about her food getting cold and accusing me of pranking her and not taking my job seriously. She asks where I am. I tell her the number of the closest mobile home. And she screams, “Well that’s a pretty long way from number 9, isn’t it?” This is the first time she has mentioned she lives in home #9. “Yup, it is,” I say. She uses some colorful language to describe me and Postmates in general, then hangs up. My phone notifies me that she has canceled her order, meaning I won’t get full pay for that delivery.

    I feel like I have something to prove, so I drive among the mobile homes for a while and eventually find hers. I knock on her door. She opens it.

    “Is this the right place?” I ask, daring her to question my work ethic again.

    It is the right place. She acts all sweet like she wasn’t yelling at me a few minutes ago, and she gives me a fat tip of $20.

    Later that night, a guy offered to tip me with weed.

  19. It’s not that crazy but I recently picked up Door Dashing on the side for some extra cash monies (I work in a restaurant full time) and my very first customer answered the door with 3 lit cigarettes and a cellphone on speaker in one hand, having some full-blown convo about some dick she just got, and in the other hand was the phone that I had called to tell her that her food was there. She was also like 70 (or appeared to be). I was pretty impressed, she was living it up for sure. She was also mad nice and we just had a normal interaction as if she wasn’t ripping 3 butts at once and I hadn’t just heard her talking about some big nice dick.

  20. The app told me to pick up the food by 7:05. I drove right to the store, got the food at around 7:03, checked the app for drop-off instructions, and it said “deliver by 7:00”. Okay. Whatever.

    I got to the address at around 7:20. The building I needed to deliver to wasn’t there. I walked around a bit and it was nowhere near where my map took me. I called the customer and said “Hi, I have your food but I’ve been walking around for a bit and can’t find your building. Can you walk me through where it is?”

    They just said “okay” and hung up. I texted them that I can’t deliver the food if I can’t find their building. No response.

    I walked around for a bit more to find the building and I couldn’t. I called the driver support line to explain what happened. As I was dialing, I got a text from the customer (around 15 minutes after I called them) telling me where their building was. Completely different place than where the app took me. I drove there, dropped off the food, and questioned why I bother doing this job.

  21. I drive for Uber Eats and one time someone ordered Freshii (a healthy food/vegan place) and I saw that the order was: 8 small bags of chips. Not even anything off their menu, just 8 bags of chips.

    Then while I was on my way to deliver it they messaged me twice in the app, the first time they said “Please” and the second message was “Be Careful”

    To this day I have no idea what was going on, or why they didn’t go buy chips from the convenience store near their house

  22. I worked for a delivery company about 6 years ago.. I got an order for a single cigar. Total cost of goods about $3. Delivery fee $13.50 (he lived way the hell out in the boonies.) He also tipped my like $10. Turns out he was drunk and “delivery fee is less than a DUI”

  23. It was a Tuesday afternoon around 3:30, regular calls and orders his regular pizza. This guy was always nice to me, but I could tell he was doing some hard drugs because he had lost so much weight and started to get lesions on his forehead and hands as time went on. I get to his house around 4, maybe 4:15. Deliver the pizza, and I’m walking back to my car when I feel an iron grip on my shoulder and someone shouts “YOU GOTTA GET OUTTA THE WAY!” I turn and there’s four or five county sheriff’s deputies in full tactical gear. There was probably 15-20 police officers in total. They lead me behind one of their cars and tell me not to move, then bust this guy’s door down and go in shouting “DRUG TASK FORCE” and all that. I had to stay there for about an hour and had my car searched and everything. All that they found was a travel mug my mom gave me a while before I thought I had lost. Never took another delivery to that guy. I wonder about him sometimes. I never found out the actual reason behind the raid, but I have my suspicions.

  24. My boyfriend and I used to do grocery delivery. One time I had a woman order 33 oranges. Another time, he had someone order 24 jars of vanilla frosting. The store didn’t even have enough vanilla frosting in stock to complete the order. Then one week later, we saw that the same man placed another order for 20 more jars of vanilla frosting.

  25. Drop-off instructions said “Text me when you arrive, and come to the side of the house. I broke my leg and I can’t come downstairs, but I’ll lower a backpack down to you on a rope. Your tip is in the loop on the back. Thanks!” I thought it was a setup, but turned out to be legit. I thought it was amusing!

    [http://imgur.com/gallery/IYWxgzN](http://imgur.com/gallery/IYWxgzN)

    EDIT: Thank you for the kind awards, internet strangers! Glad to bring a smile to your face.

    EDIT2: Whoa, I’ve never been gilded before! Many thanks!!

  26. Finally one for me. One time last December at like midnight I got a doordash from CVS. One item, a Santa hat. It said to leave it on the chair outside, never knew the context.

    Edit: Here’s another one. Mcdanks order, I pick up a fat, heavy, uniformly squishy bag and wonder what’s in it. Check the details, over a dozen Mcchickens all with extra mayonnaise. I’m like huh then I see it’s being delivered to a hospital, I deliver to nurses there all the time, must be for the crew. I’m driving there wondering wait, why would everyone want a mcchicken with extra mayo. Hand it off to a guy in scrubs, he seems like an odd one, didn’t answer when I mentioned my assumption that it was for the crew. Walk back to my car gagging on the thought that he had just picked up his lunch for the next week and was going to keep it in the staff fridge.

  27. One time during the early days of the Pandemic I got an order for like a ton of BBQ ribs from some newly opened restaurant in Atlanta. I got all this food drove out to some random upscale Hilton Hotel off the beaten path. After a ton of back and forth with the concierge he finally directed me to the correct room. I finally reach it only to be met at the door by 2 naked folks and another 2 more “waiting” on the bed in the hotel room. I’m not saying those BBQ Ribs were gonna be used in that orgy I interrupted but I can’t definitively say there wasn’t a connection

  28. Oh god I just probably gave a delivery driver a story of their own tonight when they called me to clarify directions. Their number was the same area code as a spam call I got the other day that I answered and actually had a human on it and not a robot. So I assumed it was them again and I answered the call and just said “meow” instead of hi. Then they asked for me by name (like the last spam call did) and I just kept saying “meow meow” every time he asked me something until he was like “ma’am, this is your postmates driver” and then I died from embarrassment.

  29. I was delivering to a couple two pizzas, and they were arguing like crazy. Throwing shit crazy. As per covid rules for my job, I stepped back and watched the man grab the pizza and drop a rather large wad of cash on the pizza bag. He shut the door pretty quick and while I grabbed the bag and the cash, a plate crashed on the door with the lady screaming “That’s the kinda shit I’m talking bout!” Bro, I ran.

  30. My wife and I have done uber eats, doordash, and instacart for about 2 years now. We don’t have too many stories, mostly just high, drunk, or naked people answering the door. My wife is in a few Facebook groups though, and we just heard about a woman who was delivering some food into a private gated home. The gate had to be manually opened by the homeowner and he let her in no problem, but then after she delivered the food, he wouldn’t let her leave. It took calling the police, them arriving, and filing a report for her to be able to leave and learn that this was the third time he’s done this. Uber, though, won’t ban him from their service.

  31. I delivered 20+ minutes outside of town aonce (very unlike my usual deliveries) somewhere I can only think of as “oh I’m absolutely going to get murdered here”.

    I had to drive down a two mile gravel driveway that had a single house on it next to a river. I made the delivery with no trouble and the GPS said the gravel road was supposed to continue on and loop back around to the main one, but about halfway there the middle of the road was fenced off with a rusty bar gates they use for cattle. I turned my car around and noped the fuck out of there. The dreary weather and heavy fog contribute to the vibe I’m sure but wow

  32. A grown man who insisted that I refer to him as “Snow White”. He tipped pretty good though. I’d take the money and say “thanks Snow White” and get back in my car.

  33. I worked as a delivery driver for a sub chain that was notoriously Weirdly Quick- my first week there I was told of a regular, David. David would frequently order a veggie sandwich, NO ONIONS (onions do not come on this sandwich). Any time I answered the phone to take his order he would compliment my voice and generally make things weird, which wasn’t really surprising because the sandwiches he ordered were not for him- they were for Casey, his favorite stripper at the local strip club.

    I tolerated talking to him on the phone because nothing brought me more joy than delivering this sandwich to Casey. Every time I went I stood patiently in the front area/sex shop listening to the extremely loud bass at 12:30 PM, waiting for Casey to finish whatever she was doing to accept this Gift. Casey always wore these amazing stripper heels that made her tower over me, and she was always happy to see me, mostly because she was absolutely loaded every time I saw her but also because I was basically the only female driver she ever saw and I know damn well the men I worked with also loved delivering to Casey.

    There were multiple times where she would roll her eyes and say “I brought lunch today!” but she would always tip $5 on a $6 sub and that’s what matters. I only worked there for six months but I saw Casey at least once a week, usually more. It was always the same- David calls and places an order, and Casey stumbles out to sign for it.

    When my last day came around and David called I was *thrilled*. I didn’t take the phone call but I was happily given the delivery to commemorate my last day. So I whip up her sandwich and head on my way. I walk through the doors head held high and I’m immediately met with a familiar “hello”.

    *DAVID.* Of all days, David is at the fucking strip club and David is here to not tip me on a $6 sub. David also is very happy to meet me, and is so glad to see my face, as he loved hearing my voice. I smiled politely and ran out of there, thanking the Lord himself that it was my last day and feeling like I flew too close to the sun with *my* favorite stripper.

  34. I deliver for Doordash. I had an order recently where they asked me to knock specifically six times. Maybe not as weird as the others here, but was just odd enough to remember.

  35. I delivered pizzas to a rec center for a kids birthday. There was about 12 pizzas, and they were in the warming bags. I tried to carry all the bags at once, which led to boxes being slanted and the pizzas sliding squished into the corners. When I pass the pizzas to the guy, he opens them up and is super upset. He’s like, “I’m not paying for this,” which is fair, but the policy was if you don’t like the pizza, you can either not pay and I take the pizzas back to the store, or I take the pizzas back to the store and then come back with new ones and you pay full price for those ones. But he was like, “nah, I only have this place booked for another twenty minutes. We’re eating these, but I ain’t paying.”

    So, I didn’t really care, but if he didn’t pay it came out of my wallet so I called my boss, who was a very aggressive loud mouth piece of work, and told her what was up, when the guy grabbed the phone from me, and he and my boss begin screaming at each other over the phone for about five minutes, until he screamed “THE ONLY WAY YOURE GETTING THIS MONEY IS IF I SEND IT TO YOU UP YOUR DRIVERS ASS” and then he covered the mic, winked at me and whispered “I’m just kidding,” and then he hung up.

    The bill was about $140, so he looked at me and said, “I’m giving you $70 dollars for the pizza, and I’m giving you $40 as a tip. Do not give that $40 to that bitch of a boss you have.”

    So I went back to the store, told her he would only pay $70, and she said, “oh well, at least we got something,” and I got a big tip even though I was the one who screwed up 🤷🏻‍♂️

  36. I delivered pizzas for years. There was this one house that I just dreaded going to. It was a tiny little house, and they had a tiny little dog, and the dog shit all over the floor. It was just everywhere. The woman who lived there was absolutely nuts. She shouted at the kid on the phone who took her order, she shouted at me, and I’d hand her the pizza and she’d shout that I probably fucked it up. It’d be right and she’d say “well, okay then” and she’d give me a $15 tip.

    Come to find out, I was the only one who would go there. None of the other pizza places in town would deliver to her, and none of the other people at my Hungry Howies would deliver there.

    That’s when I learned that my price for allowing myself to be shouted at was $15.

    After I had been there a year, she stopped calling. Then the house was bulldozed. Now there’s a pizza place where she used to live. And it’s shitty.

  37. Got a few good stories delivering for the Hut about 10 years ago. 2 of my best runs were delivering to an orgy, the guy was sitting on his porch in a bath robe and had to run inside to get more cash, being very careful to block my view inside. But when his biddy came to the door I got a good look inside, 4 chicks and 2 dudes from what I could see all naked with plenty of booze, drugs, and paraphernalia laying around. Not much for a tip but an interesting delivery I’ll never forget.

    Another I had a delivery to a mansion of a house, when I get there nobody answers the door or answers the phone number listed. As I’m about to give up and go back to the store 3 10-12 year old kids run up saying they ordered the pizza and their parents were out of town. While the parents were away they taught themselves how to make homemade smoke bombs which they used to inadvertently set their backyard on fire. I grabbed their hose and started putting out the fire, they didn’t want to call the fire dept in fear of getting in trouble but I made them do it. By the time the firetruck pulled up I had taken care of the flames and the kids emptied all 3 of their pockets into my hands for about a $40 tip.

  38. Used to deliver pizza. I was 18. Brought a huge order to a house on a weekday evening where clearly a bunch of middle aged friends were having a huge party. The door opened, a 40-something guy answered and yelled over his shoulder “THE PIZZA’S HERE!!”

    Everyone was clearly trashed already. It’s around 7pm. He gives me a “one second” sign and goes back in the house. I hear him telling everyone to give up cash to pitch in for the order.

    Another 40-something wasted lady comes busting out past me, goes to the passenger side of a truck, then just…lies the top part of her body down inside the truck on the seat. And I think falls asleep for a few minutes?

    I’m on the doorstep holding 10 pizzas. Door wide open. Rowdy 40-50 year olds’ party is HOPPING. And the lady who has my money is asleep with her front half in the truck.

    I’m about to yell for someone else to help me when she gets up, then stumbles over to me. Conversation goes something like this.

    Wasted Lady: How much issit?

    Me: $108.25

    WL: *staring at a wad of bills in her hands, she then shoves them all at me*You count that.

    I count it.

    Me: You gave me $164

    WL: Is that too **much**??

    Me: Well…I don’t think so but your bill is only $108.25

    WL: Well YOU COUNT THAT!

    Me: Ma’am it’s $164.

    She stares at me a second, looks at the pizza, looks at the money, reaches into her pocket, pulls out another $10 bill and slaps it on top of the pile of money.

    WL: And **there’s** your tip!!

    I unloaded the pizzas and took off as fast as I could.

    Best tip I’ve ever made in my life.

  39. Oooo, I remembered another one. Took an order to a nice house in a decent neighborhood, sometime after 10pm or so. Front door was open but storm door was closed. As I approach the house I see what looks like a very nice ass, up in the air above a couch. Then I realize that there’s a hand rubbing it. Walked right up on a dude getting a bj from his wife. I knocked on the door and stepped off to the side so I wasn’t staring at them. Guy asks me how my night is going.
    “Not as good as yours”, I replied.
    Dude hollers back into the house “See I told you he saw!”

  40. I got one! That one time a followed a weird middle aged guy into his basement for a life affirming surprise….

    Delivering pizzas my attitude is that nothing can really go *that* wrong so long as I drive carefully, avoid muggings, and never enter a customer’s home. When I was younger and hadn’t yet adopted that last rule I delivered a proper stack of pizzas to a really nice house in a very wealthy neighborhood where I was greeted by a classic mid 50’s suburbanite guy. I had like 50lbs of pizzas and he’ was just vibrating with excitement like a little kid asking me if I wanted to see something amazing in his basement where the pizzas were going anyway.

    Yeah it sounds like a lot of red flag, but from his vibe and the amount of pizza he’d ordered I figured he was having some kind of game night with his buddies and was eager to show off his layout, entertainment system, bar, etc… Wealthy guys love showing the sweet toys they worked for to broke younger folks, and when you’re working for tips sometimes an “oooh” or an “aaah” at a car or in-home luxury you don’t care about is worth an extra $10. So I followed him into his huge house, preparing myself to express amazement at his whatever.

    We get down to the basement and it was a puppy party. A true and actual puppy party, some sort of adoption event he’d set up for his kids b-day. Exactly as I’d expected, there was a classic rich guy basement with a full bar and pool table and wall sized entertainment center and huge sectional couch and recliners. What I didn’t expect was a gaggle of 8th grade girls playing with DOZENS of puppies being supervised by handlers. Every kind of puppy I could imagine. I set the pizzas down on the bar and just sat on the floor and squealed and giggled while puppies tried to eat the smell of pizza off of me, succeeding only in devouring my heart through my face.

    After a few minutes I stood up all teary eyed and flushed with happiness and the guy just grinned his understanding at me, gave me an envelope of cash, and sent me on my way. The hit of oxytocin and seratonin from those puppies still warms me years later… Fuckin puppy party, man. My life is fuller knowing that can even happen.

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